Yet another wei qi related rant.

I'm so stressed now. I don't know what to do.

The pieces of stones, the formation flows through my hands online. I don't think. I become rash and just keep clicking. I know that's bad. But I can't stop to think. I want to stop to think. But I just want to end the game. Each game is like a burden, pulling me down. But I wish to play more. I want to know more.

Every single stone I put down loses its existence immediately. I don't bother to think of my opponent's move. I want to think. But somehow, it's painful. Something is stopping me from thinking. I feel so stressed. It's a vicious cycle. The higher I climb, the more I want to climb. The more I slide, the more I want to replenish what I've lost. Though impossible, the journey may be tiring and tedious. But one thing is escalating. My stress and my irritability.

It's not that I want to be angry. I love wei qi. But I hate what I'm doing. I think, I need a break, but how?

I guess it's really time for a holiday. A long one, after a year of no holiday, I think I'm finally beginning to fall apart.

I just want to hide in a corner and play my PS3, away from all worries, from all the stress of life.




I've always wondered, what makes life tick. Especially Singaporean's life. I think most interesting experiments should be done on Singaporeans... because we're a huge cauldron of people and race that just anything goes... Okay. Maybe we're not sure a good guinea pig anymore.

The escalator. I'm sure most of you have seen a busy escalator in the morning since you are currently in IPP, thats unless you take a bus or taxi (rich bugger!). Okay, so now, what makes the people on the escalator tick?

Imagine yourself walking out of the MRT and you head towards the escalator. A steady line of people keep to the left as a stream of people flow to the top, yes, they are climbing up the escalator. If it was you, would you go to the left and stand there waiting for the escalator to bring you up? Or would you go to the right and climb the escalator.

All these are assuming that you are not rushing off to work and do not have an escalator climbing fetish. Suprisingly, I would say that at least 70% of the people would choose to stand on the left. Which would mean that it's highly possible that the people climbing on the right would also choose to stand still if they had a choice, don't they?

So what makes them tick? I got this out of my book but will use it in this context. When you have observed the fast trail of commuters continuosly moving up the right half of the escalator, your brain makes the analysis that it's constantly moving, now lets stop at that. So when you "board" the escalator, you are forced to choose, left or right. Now, assuming the left side is full, you will be forced to the right side.

Why would you want to climb the steps? Statistics have shown that if a fast worker is around you, you couldn't care less. However, if a fast worker is looking at you, you are inclined to work faster and stop being a lazy ass to stop feeling so gulty. Aha! So if you put it in our context.

If the person in front of you is climbing up the escalator, you won't feel inclined to follow him, but you do notice that there is an empty space infront of you. Now, the person behind you is either going to continue to climb the escalator or stop the same way you are stopping. But would you? Using the statistics above, you wouldn't. You would want to feel less guilty about stopping the flow of things such that you would actually WANT to KEEP moving. You don't want to stop and jam the process, making you the limelight and having everyone stare at you, same reason why you don't cut the queue at the bus interchange and invite everyone to stare at you. Unless you are 90% sure that the person behind you will stop moving as you did, you wouldn't want to risk the shame that he/she will ask you "excuse me, can you let me pass?" and the person after that too, so you keep moving.

So this is what makes the people on the right side of the escalator tick. Not so complex after all eh? Even such simple things need profound caclulations in the mind before a decision is make. Aren't we all taking our brain for granted?

I'm sure you haven't gained a single peep for understanding this blog post, neither will you be able to impress your partner by understanding and translating this theory to him/her. But I hope these has shed a little light on the way people think.




To tell the truth, I'm still having occasional nightmares about wei qi, especially the one game in which I lost by 3.5 points. What's so scary about that you may ask. I have even lost 0.5 points games and not had nightmares about it. The scary thing is that Cheris was the one counting the territory and she did it very wishy washy. I volunteered to recount but as you know, I did it pretty fast too, giving the benefit of doubt to my opponent and Cheris. So I pretty much suspect that I over counted by 10 points.

This is what is bothering me. Not really a 3.5 points nightmare, rather, a 10 points over count nightmare. It's such a huge freaking weight on my mind I wonder if I can play normally in the future. Cheris, if you are reading this, you have killed Shi Hao and Wei Song in the dan upgrading competition. But you have scarred me mentally for life, I'll forever have counting-phobia, especially if it's you.

Since it's time to go back to work, I looked around my bedroom and realised it was a mess. I came to the part where I was crossing out my calendar. I first mark the events that were happening in my life on the calendar and slowly cross out the dates.

It was left untouched since January so I had a little fun recounting the events that have happened since then. I felt a sense of fulfilment knowing that I have done so many things this past month. When I flipped to March, I noticed the serene picture accompanying the calendar. It was so calming. For a moment there, I wanted to seat down and relax, and maybe cry a little, an escape from my hectic life.

And then I saw it, the motivational quote of the month that was on the calendar.

Enjoy the experience, enjoy the moment.
Forget about winning or losing.

I sighed and rocked my head backwards. A burden has been lifted off my mind. I'm free from the chains and the unnecessary baggage that I had been lugging around since last semester. It was such a coincidence that this quote came at a time like that.

That was just the break I needed.




Love is just an act of persuasion. The ability to convey and persuade the message of marriage to the other partner. The economist sees it as as an exchange or an attempt to persuade and communicate. This is what I think.

Love is all but the trinket of one's figment of an imagination. The first instance of love is when you start to think that the partner is suitable in some way for you. This is ignoring other rational indicators like wealth etc. As they say, love is blind. And so when a female has taken a liking to this special guy, it is said to be that love has taken over. Somehow, the female has gotten blind of all mistakes and flaws that the male has. She sees only his good points and is madly in love. I acknowledge this as the Male's ability to persuade the female, to convince her in some ways or another.

I find that this act of love is an evolution necessity. Yes, love arises through evolution or you could say, that this is an act of god himself. It's an unusual chemical process that binds two beings or more together. But this is what differentiates us from being really emotionless, for example, so that we don't result to having sex with every person we fancy. When deeply in love, love is the one that pulls through as a communication tool.

Coming back to the point, everybody have the ability to make a person love them. It's just different degrees in which the tipping point is located which is their ability to involve the identified target to make irrational decisions.

On the other side of the coin.

Love is blind. Anyone can be affected by it. We make irrational decisions because we are madly in love. The sweetness of it is unexplainable and so is the heartache that may accompany (me: "That's actually just a chemical reaction" you: "SHUT UP!"). The beauty of it, its grace. Love is the one that allows us to find our magical partners and try to settle with them, be it a fling of romance or a fully-blown up fairy-tale. There are so many other ways to describe love that I am not well-fitted to do the job.

But from a normal person's point of view,

Love is Magical

(you: "Hell yeah!")




Quiz time!



41 to 50 points: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
http://www.personalityquiz.net/profiles/hrdepartment.htm

Independent unconventional unfettered

You demand a free and unattached life for yourself that allows you to determine your own course. You have an artistic bent in your work or leisure activities. Your urge for freedom sometimes causes you to do exactly the opposite of what expected of you.

Your lifestyle is highly individualistic. You would never blindly imitate what is "in"; on the contrary, you seek to live according to your own ideas and convictions, even if this means swimming against the tide.

http://www.personalityquiz.net/shapes/ullazang.htm#2

Black
Black is one of the most beautiful colors and yet it is the absence of color too. It is the color of detail. Black personalities want every thing done in detail. They are good at statistics and make good accountants. Internal Revenue Service agents probably like this color.

If a job needs finishing, these are the people to finish it. These personalities need leaders, though, to tell them what needs to be done.
Under guidance, they are able to get to the crux of the matter and solve very large problems. When put in a position to find the mistakes of others, they are right at home.

They like puzzles, and finding others' mistakes brings out their tenacious spirits. Black personalities will sometimes intentionally find mistakes just so that they can repair them.

This color is one of holding things inside. When one wears black, they do not want to be touched. Putting a barrier between themselves and others is the purpose of this color.

Black is a relief color for most people, like "Mom's apple pie". It makes them feel comfortable and even, in some cases, makes them feel smaller, allowing them to hide from the sometimes cruel world.

http://www.personalityquiz.net/colortests/colors.htm#black






Tired and sick. I've been sick for the past few days.

I'm so sickly, with my sore throat and blocked nose. What the hell did I do to be hit with this stupid sickness. Having to breathe through my mouth most of the time is a pain. My airway tightens when I'm sleeping so I usually wake up feeling really really breathless with dried phlegm lining my throat. I would need to use the inhaler to open up the airways again to sleep soundly. I have never had so much difficulty sleeping before.

When I woke up to go to work, all I could do was to feel sickly and try to take an MC. But my family doctor told me to see him if I had high fever, I reached for my forehead and it was cold. In fact, I was shivering as the wind blew past me. No MC, I guess. After 30 minutes of standing in the MRT, I couldn't take it, I could not even stand straight. I felt so giddy and nausea that I just wanted to faint on the spot. But I endured til Tanjong Pagar... this was the longest MRT ride I took.

As I walked to URA centre, all I could do was to feel sickly again. Short of breath and giddiness hit me at the same time. At that point of time, I wanted to die. Seriously, if I was crossing the road when the traffic stopped, and this son of a bugger who was rushing for a meeting hit me. I won't blame him, I seriously won't. Unless he hit and run, then I'll haunt him for life. Otherwise if I got involved in an accident while I was doing the mundane stuff, I wouldn't blame the person who had done it, unless he shirked responsibility.

I wouldn't feel anything, I wouldn't feel wasted that my life ahead was ruined. I just felt like fading away.

Fading away... let's see if I'll manage to survive today.




Mindless drones. That's what we all are.

The government too.

Everyone is working for the flow of the earth. How we act, react are all based on formulas of needs and wants, and how the way the mind works.

We're constantly inventing, but that invention is from the constant need of something non-existent, thus the need to invent.

The government steers us to "prosperity", but what is that really? In order to advance? All is but in the trinket of the mind.

I feel now that work is but something of natural causes. Our body needs and yearns for it. No one can enjoy life at the beginning of life til the end.

But so is the flow of the earth. The most affected being those that are our kids.

They study for the sake of the future of working. Hey! That's wrong, you should be studying for yourself! You should be studying because you like it and want to gain that knowledge. A little forcing is okay in order for the kids to not turn lazy. But 16 years of his life is a little excessive. Balance work and play? Not really, play is something we need to relieve the stress obtained from work/study.

But all is but following the tricks of the mind. Are we that mindless, following what the mind tells us to do? The need for food, water and our five senses. Our logical thinking, abstract thinking. We are being controlled by these factors.

And it goes to show that all that has been invented has been done before, just not implemented. This isn't a sign of advancement, its the actual discovery of things. Things that have not been discovered won't be used. But discovery isn't an advancement idea, the need for discovery arises from the need of something else or itself.

In an X amount of years when all has been discovered, humanity would just repeat itself, being ultimately controlled but the 5 senses and logical thinking, what we will do will be repeated again and again and again.

But it is how people get successful. People who are successful make use of these repetitiveness and make something out of it to obtain the luxury, but they are too stuck within the cycle, only gaining the wealth for that temporary fleeting moment of his life.

How you want to live your life signifies how you accept this cycle as a part of your life, how you let it control you.

-----------------------------------

? Can anyone tell me if there is something wrong with me? Why am I thinking this way? Am I too young for this? Should I take a degree in philosophy or something? Or should I just go see a doctor or a psychiatrist?

Therefore is the part of life. I play Wei Qi as it if my outlet to relieve mental stress from all these thinking, to improve on the situation and stress.




It just triggered.

I would like to extend my deepest thanks to a great friend that I had. The one who has got me so absorbed into wei qi. He was always so close and yet so far away. I respect him with my deepest gratitude.

He was the one who brought me through, held me hand to hand from kyu to dan. The one who taught me the direction of play and attack and all around the board. My reading and development in wei qi I owe it all to him.

At the loss of such a great friend, I give my deepest respects. You will be my first ever teacher (aside from YLS) who saw me go through the stages of my development.

Thanks.

In memoriam: Kato Masao (1947-2004)



It has been a very sad New Year for Japanese go fans and anyone interested in the Japanese go world. Kato Masao, Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Nihon Ki-in and one of the top stars of modern go, died of a cerebral infarction and complications in a Tokyo hospital at 12:33 p.m. on 30 December.

Kato had felt ill on 7 December and had been diagnosed at a hospital as having suffered an injury to a vein in the brain. He had an operation on 10 December that was said to have been successful and was recuperating in hospital. However, his condition suddenly worsened on the 28th and he died on the 30th.

A private funeral was held by his family and the Nihon Ki-in will hold a farewell gathering with go fans on 21 January.

Kato was one of the greatest players of the modern tournament era. He is fifth in the all-time listings, with a total of 47 title wins. His most notable achievements were winning the Honinbo title four times, the Meijin title twice and the Judan title seven times. His final career tally was 1253 wins (second only to Rin Kaiho) to 664 losses. His last game was played on 2 December; he defeated the next Kisei challenger, Yuki Satoshi. He was also a member of the Japanese team in the current Nong Shim Cup and hadn't yet played.

Kato became Vice Chairman of the board in the summer of 2002 and was the right-hand man of the chairman, Toshimitsu Matsuo, who was grappling with the task of reforming the administration of the Nihon Ki-in. Following Toshimitsu's resignation, he became chairman in June this year. At the same time, he maintained his career as a top-level go player and, in fact, was Honinbo at the same time as he was Vice Chairman.

Kato was one of the most popular players in the Japanese go world. Despite his success, he was modest; his typical manner was low-key and friendly, but he was known for his firm principles, which was perhaps why his fellow professionals entrusted the top position at the Nihon Ki-in to him. Kobayashi Koichi commented that he displayed fighting spirit in both his go and his personal character. Ishida Yoshio, another fellow Kitani disciple, commented that it is going to be very hard to fill the gap that his death has left in the go world.